entry 9 - felt like kind of a slog

set the scene: you are a mad scientist

i've been in my laboratory mixing various fluids and animal parts trying to get the perfect elixir. People have been asking me for what, and I really don't know how to answer that question. It's a question that only people outside the mad scientist community would ask, but I generally try to appease them by talking about eternal life or love or sexual prowess. Everyone wants an elixir for all of those things. For me, I suppose it's really just the possibilities of creating elixirs that do all sorts of things.

When I was younger I somehow discovered an elixir that allowed for the growth of additional limbs. This wasn't as helpful as I thought it would be, as no one wants to date a person with seventy four limbs. In retrospect, I probably should have allowed the possibility for use in patients who have lost one or both limbs, but I wasn't feeling that magnanimous. I was creating elixirs to impress girls, not to help out fellow doctors.

Plot twist: a car is involved

i've been working on adding car materials to my elixirs for a few years now. I read a study where the patients started eating metals and alloys and experiencing tremendous benefits. I thought I could apply this to my elixirs, but sadly they haven't been producing many results. When I tried to eat part of a steering wheel I ended up in the hospital for seven weeks. Sometimes I curse my body for being so weak. If only I had a more godly body, a body of the homo deus!

Plot twist: you find a note of cryptic symbols

I find a note of cryptic symbols that someone sent me in the mail the other week. It was from someone named “supdarren” who had found symbols from Tal Rasha's tomb. I have been wanting to find the true tomb of tal rasha but for some reason can't defeat the summoner that leads me to him. It's very discouraging scouring Tal Rasha's tomb only to come out with an el or an eth rune at the end of it.

That being said, I'm not sure if I'm physically capable of standing up to Duriel, the beast that resides in his tomb. My summons die instantaneously and I'm deathly vulnerable to both cold and poison.

Plot twist: a mysterious man

A dark wanderer taps at my window. I can barely see his face.

“tyriel?” I ask.

“yes, it is me.”

“what have you come here for?”

“the soulstone”

“i don't have it.”

“yes you do”

“i really don't.”

“oh.”

with that the wanderer takes off his mask. It wasn't tyriel. It was fucking darren

richard's entry - thought it was really good

Prompt  You are lost in the desert
Well somehow I’ve lost myself in the middle of the desert. The events that led me here aren’t worth explaining, but the timing is actually pretty good because I recently learned a few tricks about desert survival from a TV show. The sooner I accept that I’m going to be drinking my own urine, the better. I have one 365ml bottle of water and I chug it quickly because it’s my only receptacle. Then I start walking.

Plot twist  Everything goes to pot
I walk about 15 minutes and, having made considerable progress, I rest under the shade of a bush. It’s the only living organism I can see for miles. I look over a white-hot expanse of sand, out to where it meets the dark blue sky. As I turn my head my hair gets caught in the bush’s leaves. The leaves are sticky and fragrant and their resin is all over my clothes. I decide to smoke the bush. I don’t have any rolling papers so I cut it into a heap, set it on fire, and then stick my head into the smoke stream and inhale as deeply as I can.

Twist  A dog comes sniffing around
I sit there in the sun and I have no idea how much time has passed. After a while a speck appears on the horizon and as it approaches I realize it’s a dog. I remember the story of how Bob Odenkirk was filming in the desert, rescued a dog and ended up adopting it. It’s a nice story but Bob had a film crew on hand to keep him safe. I’m lost in a desert, so I know I’m going to have to eat that dog and possibly drink its urine. I call to it kindly and it slowly scampers over, looking ashamed. I see it has a penis so I call him a good boy and give him a scratch behind his ear. I have no idea how to kill a dog so I need to earn his trust first, so I can kill him at my leisure. I need to give him a treat. I don’t want to waste any of my food so I peel a big ol’ scab off my knee and feed it to him. He sits down beside me while I begin to sharpen a stick.
Twist  you are given an ultimatum
The rhythm of the sharpening makes me drowsy and I fall into a reverie. This is Navajo territory so I’m sure that bush I smoked was powerfully hallucinogenic. I stand up and notice that this whole time I was sitting on a trap door. I lift it up and to my surprise it leads into the cockpit of a plane. I climb down and try not to pay attention to George and Vincent van Gogh, who are making out in the copilot’s chair. There is another trap door in the cockpit and I open it. It goes straight to hell. The phone in the cockpit rings and I pick it up.
“Please hold”
I wait.
After 2-3 minutes a voice comes on the line.
“Richard, I’m pretty disappointed.”
“God?”
“Yes it’s me, God. You know, if you had just killed the dog outright that would have been fine. But befriending it first? Making it trust you? That was just low.”
I say nothing.
“Richard, I want you to look down into those flames and think very carefully about your actions. I think you know what's the right thing to do.”
The line goes dead but his meaning is clear. I can let the dog live, starve in the desert and go straight to heaven; or I can eat that dog, live a little longer on Earth but spend an eternity in hell.
I suddenly come to. The sun is falling below the horizon and the dog is sleeping beside me. My stomach growls. I pick up the sharpened stick.

entry 8 - had to take a break because of a panic attack i had a couple days ago, but i was inspired by my friend richard making one

set the scene:

you are opening a letter from an old enemy

I open a letter from ashley. She was my girlfriend when I was 19 or 20 about to go to montreal. Although we seemed to be very affectionate toward one another she was prone to go on long violent and argumentative rants about things that I did wrong. I was still in love with teresa back then. To be fair I really wasn't a very good person at the time.

I read the letter

“youre a fucking idiot and im going to come kill you.”

shouldn't have been a surprise, really. I've wanted to call her up for a few years now and apologize to her about how things ended. She didn't deserve to be treated badly by me, but I was 19 and had no idea what I was doing. Do people need to apologize for the things they do at nineteen? Im not sure.

I think about how she dated one of my close friends, james for a couple years by complete chance. And although ashley probably divulged my awful secrets about scamming my mom for pot money and for gambling money away, james still ended up being my friend after everything was said and done. And then james died and I constantly feel sad and miss him especially for not treating him well before he died. I think about all the times I hang out in vr and how I wish he was around to help me music for my projects.

Plot twist:

something happens that you don't quite understand

james comes back to life in the form of an apparition.

“hey george.”

“james, you're back.”

“yeah.”

“what happened to being dead?”

“i'm still dead lol”

“oh. Did you want to play 3^rd strike?”

“yeah.”

“you've always been better than me at that game. I wish I had gotten better. I miss 2df emulators that let us play online”

“yeah.”

“i miss you a lot. I think preetom misses you too, he wears that shirt with your face on it a lot. I don't think I could ever wear a memorial shirt of you.”

“lol, I understand.”

“hows heaven?”

“it's okay. It's more just like a place where dead people go. There isn't really a heaven or a hell it's just a place.”

“oh.”

“yeah. Food is okay though.”

“what'd you get this morning?”

“hash browns”

“sounds really good. Hey, i'm sorry about everything.”

“i told you, it's okay.”

“your mom seems to be doing good”

“she still cries every night.”

“that makes sense. My mom would cry too.”

we sit in silence as james starts eating more hash browns

“be careful there. I can't believe I made a joke about you eating hash browns, even now.,” I say.

“you can't help it.”

plot twist: something expected happens

I give james a hug but can't actually touch him because he's ethereal.

“i'm sorry I was such a jerk to you before you died.”

“i told you, it's okay.”

“have you seen all this coronavirus stuff? It's driving me crazy”

“yeah. It's scary down there lol”

“what's it like where you are?”

“it's okay. There are long lines and not enough people working at food stands.”

“what's the incentive of working at a food stand anyway?”

“it's a punishment for not being nice when you were on earth. If you refuse to work then you get

sent back as a crab”

“oh. Are there people who would rather get sent back as crabs?”

“not really.”

plot twist:

you fall asleep

I feel myself getting sleepy.

“hey james, i'm sorry. I need to sleep.”

“it's okay.”

“we'll play street fighter another time. I miss playing with you”

“i know.”

“i could only beat you at one game.”

“i know.”

“i wonder if we'll ever meet again”

“probably, lol”

“good night”

“night.”

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. I can see james sitting there playing street fighter in the background. It's extremely comforting knowing that he's there doing the thing that he loves most, even more than when he would make music.

entry 7

Set the scene - you are biting off more than you can chew or you are flying a small plane

I'm 10000 feet in the air flying a small plane. I'm not really sure if that's a safe height or not. In all honesty I'm not really trained to be a pilot. I just decided to get flying lessons on a whim. 

People seem to respect your death a lot more if it came from a tragic flying accident. Actually now that I think about that thats probably not true. Whenever I hear about musicians or athletes or actors dying because they were flying their own planes I'm always wondering what the heck was wrong with these people? Stick to acting!! 

I'm eating a really big sandwich right now and kind of bit off more than I could chew. I chug some water to soften the bread in my mouth but it's not really helping. I persevere though cause it's a Dutch crunch grilled chicken sandwich with garlic mayo and wow is it really good. 

Plot twist you meet someone you never expected to see again

The cockpit door opens. I'm rather shocked as for one I forgot that I was flying a commercial plane and not the kind where your head is sticking out. But secondly no one else was supposed to be on board. I want to turn around but I've got a big sandwich in one hand and the steering wheel in the other hand. I probably shouldn't be focusing on three things at once I tell myself. Two is plenty.

Its Vincent van Gogh. He had come to me in a dream a few days back and given me a bunch of nutrageous bars. 

"Hey Vincent"

"Hello"

"Hows it going?"

"I'm okay. My ear isn't doing too great though"

I look over for a moment and see a piece of cloth stapled to his head. Theres red blood marks but not so much that either of us would be drowning in blood anytime soon. I was a little afraid that was going to be the case to tell you the truth. 

"I thought I wished for your ear to heal"

"Well that was another story. In this story you're flying a plane and eating a sandwich."

"You mean theres no continuity?"

"Not that I know of. I mean you're flying the plane you would know better than me"

"Howd you get on the plane?"

Plot twist - you get a feeling of imminent danger

Suddenly I hear flashes of lightning and the plane starts to wobble. The sky outside turns a dark gray. I start panicking and trying to get the plane back on course. 

"Do you want me to help? I'm good at flying planes"

"What? How is that even possible?"

"You can take a class in heaven. They have lots of classes there."

"Well okay help if you can."

We switch seats and Vincent takes over the wheel. Suddenly the lightning clears and the plane stops wobbling.

"How the hell did you do that?" I ask.

"You can do lots of stuff when you're dead."

"Is that so?"

"No not really. I mean you can, but you've gotta take a class."

Plot twist : you get a call from an unknown number / you discover a trap door

My phone starts to ring. It's from an unknown number. I'm not supposed to get service from up here. I answer. 

"Hello?"

"Hi is Vincent here?"

"Yeah who's this"

"This is God."

"Oh hey it's nice to meet you."

"Can you put vincent on the line please?"

"Hey why do you need to call anyway cant you just talk from the heavens or anything?"

"You've got the wrong idea about me. Put Vincent on the line okay?

Vincent looks a little uneasy. I hand him the phone. I can overhear what God is saying in the background. 

"Hello?"

"Vincent you know how I feel about you flying planes. You're not ready."

"But I took a class."

"Yes, A class. Theres three more."

"I'm sorry." 

"Tell your friend to open the door"

"You don't have to do this"

"Tell him to open it"

He looks at me and motions toward the ground. I turn around and notice the cockpit door isnt there anymore and instead theres a trap door on the ground. 

"What the hell? What's this?"

"He says to open it."

"Where does it go?"

I can hear god on the other line. "Tell him itll be safe."

Vincent looks at me. 

"Itll be safe."

"Okay."

I open the trap door and suddenly get sucked under the plane. I am free falling in mid air and hurtling toward the ground. I wonder where I went wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have opened the trap door. The whole thing was kind of suspect. 

I reach into my pocket and find a nutrageous bar. Suddenly life doesn't feel so bad. I take a bite and think to myself that if I'm going to experience anything right before I die I'm glad it's the flavor of peanuts 

entry 6 - going to try writing this one in bed on my phone

Set the scene -

You are thinking about something you can't quite put your finger on

I'm thinking about taking a bath but I'm not really sure why. It's always been comforting taking baths but I've turned into such a germaphobe that laying in the tub doesn't feel all that clean to me. I'm not sure why. 

I think of spiders for a split second.

My limbs start to sprout into tree branches. I'd like to become a strawberry smoothie one day. My 6 year old cousin jada would be proud. I feel like shes the only person I could have this conversation with and be completely understood. 

Plot twist: something involving a hammer / captured

Suddenly a hammer falls from the sky and hits me on the head. I fall unconscious. 

When I wake I'm stuck in some sort of netting, the kind that fishermen might use to capture schools of fish. I look down but dont see anything all I can see are the sides of me. I cant breathe. I realize that theres a chance I might have become a fish. 

A man who is dressed like Steve zissou from the life aquatic starts yelling "land ho!! " and rings a bell like a town crier. I start to feel scared and wonder if fish can actually feel such emotions.

"Let's eat the fish we captured!!" Someone yells.

Plot twist: a torrential rain begins to fall / time is on your side

Suddenly a torrential outpouring of rain begins to fall. It's so fierce that all of the men on the boat wash away and begin to drown. I can finally breathe again. I flop happily as the water soaks my sides and my gills absorb all that wonderful oxygen.

Maybe being a fish isnt so bad I thought to myself. I dont have to worry about money anymore. I dont have to worry about love or chocolate or espresso drinks. I can just swim and be enveloped by a womb. But are wombs as cold as the Pacific Ocean? I don't know. Fish shouldn't know these things or ask these questions. I suddenly get scared that I'm not actually a fish.

Plot twist: a loud crashing noise / something involving weapons 

The boat suddenly comes to a halt. I hear a loud crashing noise like we collided with something. After some time some Fishmen with spears come into view. They remove the netting from me.

I look down and realize I have limbs again but that I also have scales and gills coming out of my arms. 

Plot twist - surprisingly it works out for the best

Maybe being a Fishman isnt so bad. I'm not sure if fishmen have the same worries as normal men but I feel more calm. I dont feel as superficial anymore. Every one of these fishmen is both hideous but beautiful. I try to kiss the one that captured me.

"Yeckkk!! What are you doing?"

"Sorry I was just feeling affectionate. I'm new to being a fishman. I'm feeling confused."

"Well dont try to kiss me again I'm not into that. There are plenty of mermaids and fish women back home you can meet when we get back."

"What's the difference between a fish woman and a mermaid?"

"Mermaids are human on top and have a fin. Fish women have a fish head and female legs and body parts. To be honest I thought I'd like the mermaids but all they do is nag and well dont get me started about trying to have sex with a fin."

"So you like fish women now is what you're saying"

"Less talk. They love to have a good time."

Plot twist - you may have messed up / you cant stay awake

I start to get really sleepy. Maybe a nice fish woman is exactly what I need in my life. Someone to hold and make love to and have children with that doesnt nag me to do things like make money. Just provide chum and seaweed and go on adventures with. 

I start drifting off to sleep thinking about the wonderful fish women that I can meet on shore. Maybe I was wrong about being human this whole time. It's so stressful being human. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can sleep peacefully.

entry 5

420

set the scene – you are : in a canoe / knocking on the door of a large house

im in a canoe by myself in the middle of a lake. I'm not exactly sure why I agreed to go canoeing on my own, it was just something i've been wanting to do for a while. I'm a terrible swimmer. I've got an extra protective life jacket on. Something about the puffiness of it made me want to buy it and try it on.

Plot twist: no time to rest! You are miraculously unhurt

no time to rest! I start paddling faster and faster in circles. I'm not actually going anywhere but I paddle faster and faster anyway. Im doing that thing in cartoons where im just paddling one direction and going in a circle not actually moving anywhere. But I keep paddling anyway. This isn't any time to rest! I came out here to canoe and i'm going to paddle as if my life depends on it.

There's nothing chasing me but I fall out of the boat anyway. I think to myself im going to die. I said I was a terrible swimmer but in reality its worse than that I don't know how to swim at all. I've always been someone that sinks as soon as they get into the water. I've often thought it was the density of my bones. Some people just float more than others I thought. How could some people float so easily while I had such a difficult time doing so? I thought about how wonderful it would be to be nice and plump to float happily like a rubber duck on the water.

I also start to notice that my life jacket isn't helping me float either. I'm sinking to the bottom of the lake. I struggle to breathe, I gasp for air. I'm at the bottom of the lake floor and I feel like i'm a goner. I gasp for air.

But suddenly I realize, I'm okay!

I can breathe under water. I'm miraculously unhurt! What's going on?!

Plot twist: you hear footfalls/ bam!

I hear the sound of footsteps. How can this be? I'm under water... can you still hear footsteps under water?

BAM!

Something knocks me over. I fall to the ground very slowly, in slow motion. The water makes it difficult to fall very quickly. I look up and notice a giant fish with a bulb coming out of its head. A lantern fish. I forget what they're called

“hey, do you mind?” he says

“what?”

“do you mind getting out of my way? What are you doing down here anyway? Aren't you humans supposed to be at the surface paddling in your canoes”

“i fell out”

“what are you an idiot?”

“yeah”

“oh. Well what are you doing here?”

“my life jacket didn't work”

“that's too bad. Shouldn't you be suffocating?”

“yes”

“and you're not?”

“no I dont think so.” I take a deep breath. “nope, not suffocating.”

“that's too bad”

“do you not like humans?”

“not really. They ate my brother.”

“i'm sorry to hear that.”

“i'm going to eat you now”

I start screaming and running away.

plot twist: you see two people / trouble follows you

sadly though, it's very difficult to swim in water. I see two people.

“wait... mom and dad?”

but it's too late. The fish have gotten them. They had sunk underneath the lake surface and were being eaten by giant lantern fish. The one that bumped into me catches up to me.

“just kidding, my both my siblings are alive. And they're eating those people over there. And now im going to eat you. Cya”

=======
upon post writing research they are called ANGLER fish

419 – not every story has to be so silly, embracing this one possibly as a way to remember events and memories

set the scene: you are at the circus / opening a letter

i'm at the circus with mom and my sister. Cirque du soleil in vegas. We're watching their show love, which is based on the beatles. I think a lot about drugs.

I notice how colorful and beautiful the ribbons floating in the air are. I wonder how much practice it takes to actually do everything these people are doing. For some reason I wonder if they're all well paid. My mom and my sister look so enraptured in what's going on I don't want to disturb them. Mom, especially.

Lately mom has been sending me video links of cirque du soleil lately. I feel so sad that she must be so bored at home, but I suppose everyone is dealing with that sadness and loneliness. She seems to be working on her fashion and clothing projects which makes her happy. It makes me happy to see her working on things that she loves. She sends me and liz about ten videos every day in chinese, and although I don't understand most of them they do have subtitles. Mostly from this german man living in china who is really sweet and funny and silly. I can only watch a few of them each day. She also sends me recipes for dishes I can't eat since im on a low carb diet, but that's okay. She means well and sends me everything with love.

Plot twist: what did you say? / boo!

I was talking to her yesterday about unemployment insurance and getting the stimulus check. We had a difficult time communicating and I kept asking her what she meant. I was trying really hard to take care of everything for her, but sadly I couldn't do a whole lot except tell her to call the unemployment office when she could, or that we can wait another week or two and see if she gets anything in the mail. I can tell her that today. I did the best I could, helping her upload a resume to caljobs and send an email to a local official to maybe help her get help with her claim. Since she's been mailing things in it'll take time, but I can confer with her today that once she gets the official letter in the mail we can help her create an account online so she can certify for benefits that way. I was relieved to hear she got her direct deposit from the IRS meaning she'll at least be likely to get a stimulus check deposited into her account in the next couple weeks. I feel a little selfish because if she gets her 600 additional funds in unemployment each week that means I won't have to give her as much money each month and can save a little extra. But that's really not what I care about I just want her to be okay. But I felt like I should throw that in as something that came into my mind. I did the best I could to help her even though I was freaking about about unemployment being so slow just like the rest of the country is. Feel fortunate that I actually got approved and have been paid though I can't access my stimulus check funds. What kind of a story is this? (a story of real life and what's been on my mind day to day, a pretty truthful one at that)

This isn't so much a story as a memory i'm realizing and I think that's okay. Looking back on it, I write stuff like this in my journal a lot. Things I can or can't do. Ruminating over things I could've done or could've done better. There's a lot of tedious things in life that we have to waft through each day.

Feel lucky to actually have some savings these days so I'm not super dependent on all this government money. I read reddit posts a lot about people who are struggling to get by. My roommate was talking to me about how people shouldn't really have to save money, that if they work hard things should be okay. Savings should be for luxury items like a new boat or a vacation. I tended to agree with him, but unfortunately things don't really work that way. I keep counting each extra dollar I have and end up being prone to overspending. (I bought 3 guitars and a piano in the last few weeks! And although I don't regret them at all when I see them here and hold them in my hands, I still regret monetary purchases for some silly reason. I wonder if this is my drugged up mind from before trying to hoard all that cash for pot and other unscrupulous substances. Or is money just that way? The never ending feeling of never having enough.)

plot twist – you overhear a conversation / you do something stupid

I've been a little loud lately, the neighbors downstairs complained to our landlord. I feel bad. My roommate says “he doesn't give a fuck loll use your own discretion”, when I told him it was probably me jumping up and down during my exercises and playing loud steel stringed acoustic guitar late at night. I was kind of fuming at this bad relationship between our neighbors and I but after I went for a walk yesterday I saw the little girl who lives there and felt horrible that I was probably keeping her up at night and knocking the books off her shelves and stuff. And then I started getting anxious thinking about my roommate not giving a fuck about a little child sleeping and wondering if we'd get kicked out. Then I worried about not having a job or a boss that would write fake payment stubs showing that I made more than I did so I would qualify for decent housing. But then I remind myself to take a breath and stop worrying about things I can't control. But then I worry anyway, this rabbit hole of rumination and anxiety and holding my breath. Aaah! The best times in my day I realize are the ones when I can meditate and stop thinking for a while.

Also something stupid I've been doing, though it may just be me being overly cautious. I keep washing my hands on super high heat and not realizing that I've actually given myself burns on my wrists. I was washing my hands so much my hands started drying out and getting cuts on them so I started applying some lotion to them as much as I can. But then I have to use the bathroom and wash them all over again needing to reapply the lotion. I'm not even sure if these are things I need to be anxious about. Thinking about the time I cut myself really bad when I was shaving my legs and how I scraped my knee a few months ago rushing to get to my car and refusing to drop a salad and a banana I was holding. I told myself to practice patience but every now and again I bite my lip really hard or walk into some bushes sometimes.

I did tell my mom once that sometimes I'll be distracted and walk into a tree and she laughed and wondered how the heck someone could do that. But alas I do that sometimes.

Plot twist:

You find something of sentimental value / a bad apple

I'm not sure what's of sentimental value in my place. Thinking about the blanket I had as a kid. I do have this small guitar that I sanded the frets on and cleaned and polished the other night. It's more photos I have with my mom, or cards that she gave me that I hold on to. Lucky red envelopes with a few dollars in them. thinking about how she used to fill them with a hundred dollar bill now its a 20 or a 50 and 8 dollars ( a lucky number in chinese culture). I feel bad whenever she even gives me those.

But I'm happy to see her, got to zoom with her yesterday though it was only about unemployment insurance. She gave me access to her email and I see that she emails herself lots of videos of chinese dramas and musical performances. I wish I could stay with her for a little while, and then get sad that she doesn't have her own place that she lost all her money. But she does seem happy with what she has and the clothes that she's working on now. I suppose like everyone else I worry too much about how other people are doing. I know my mom worries about me too even though I'm doing okay. I wanted to sing her can't help falling in love by Elvis since she loves that song but I didn't have the guts to yesterday. At least once before I go hopefully.

Taking a deep breath. I have a zoom call with her and liz today at 12:30. thinking about what I'm going to cook for breakfast. What kind of a story is this anyway?

entry 3

418

set the scene

you are: driving a stolen car/dining at a fancy restaurant

i'm driving a car that I stole from my sister for some reason. Im not really sure why I did it except that her car gets really good gas mileage and that I always liked how under powered hybrids felt whenever ive driven them. I can step on the gas all the way down and still i'm only going about 50 miles an hour. I mean, that and she ate all the edamame when we went to get sushi last week. I kept ordering edamame and she kept eating all of it before I could get any. I was really mad. So I decided to steal her car.

plot twist : disgusting ! You come to a fork in the road

I get to a fork in the road. An octopus falls from the sky.

“fuck! Again?”

this is third time this has happened to me. People all over the country have been reporting octopuses falling out of the sky ever since they found a vaccine for coronavirus. It just seems like god is messing with us these days. Actually, before the octopuses it was cacti and locusts which probably was a lot worse. Octopuses are really smart though, they don't just fall out of the sky they start smarming over towards you with this really freaking smug look on their faces and these sunglasses that they have on for some reason and start slapping the hell out of your car or out of your loved ones and then they slink away. Right now they have a compound near xion its really messed up

“disgusting!” I yell.

The octopus in front of me seems to hear me. It takes off its sunglasses and starts slithering over to me.

Plot twist: you're sure you know him but you can't place him. It's getting closer.

I start panicking a little bit. It starts creeping closer and closer, looking more and more menacing. For some reason I think it actually starts to look pretty cute with its big bulbous head and everything. I remember my breathing exercises from meditation. It's okay, “I'll be okay. I'm in control of all things”

It jumps on top of my windshield and starts blubbing up and down.

“fuck!”

“hey don't swear.” it sounds really disappointed in me

“oh. Im sorry.”

“don't you remember me?”

“what?” I look into its eyes. Wait, there's a familiar feeling here. I feel like I do know him.

“it's me”

“that's what everyone says when they think I know them, but you're an octopus. I dont know any octopuses”

“its richard”

“WHAT”

plot twist: something smells terrific / you look around

I look around to see if anyone can help me really identify that it's my old friend richard.

“it's me. Why did you have to bone prison me?”

“i'm sorry”

“no youre not.”

“i know.”

“and because I didn't get that ber rune i'm a freaking octopus now”

“i gave you a tal”

“fuck you!”

richard starts flailing his arms all over the place in a frenzy. Im not sure what to do. Suddenly something starts to smell really good. I notice that the heat from the engine is actually starting to cook him a little bit

“richard, you smell good”

“what?” he starts to notice his underside getting cooked a little bit

“im going to eat you now”

richard looks resigned to his fate. He knows what will happen if he struggles. I cast bone prison on him anyway and wait for his delicious undersides to cook. I haven't had octopus in a long time

entry 2

set the scene: you are: running away from a man/ you are sitting on the floor in an empty room.

I'm running away from a man who seems to desperately want to beat me up. He keeps yelling profanities and saying I stole something important from him. I'm not sure if he's referring to his wife or some kind of jewelry or diamonds. All I know is that I keep on running, running all the time. I've been running for a 170 years now. This could be metaphorical it could be literal. These days people live up to a thousand, so it's possible. Our stamina has improved to the point where people are running 170 years all the time.

This guy just won't quit.

plot twist: you miss your flight / I fall into a hole

I fall into a hole.

“fuck!” I yell

the man quickly catches up to me and peers inside the hole.

“well well well, seems as though i've found you you little fuck. Now give me back my !#%!#!#%”

“your what?”

“my !#%!#”%#”

I have no idea what he's talking about. 170 years and not one hole, not one stumble. I kept running and running and running. I don't even know what i'm thinking right now. I finally feel like I need to catch my breath.

“let me catch my breath”

“shut up you son of a bitch, give it back to me right now”

“i'm in a hole right now do you honestly think im in any kind of physical state to give you what you want? I'm not even sure what @!#%#!% is”

“you don't know what %!#%? is?! You invented %#!#%!|

plot twist: you find a novel use for something / small potatoes

“you're small potatoes guy”

“that's a goddamn insult. I'm coming down there to beat your ass”

“no don't”

“okay, give me a reason why.”

“i've got something”

“oh? Is it what I think it is”

“yeah. It is.”

I keep thinking of something I could pull out of my pocket. I don't have my phone anymore, it dropped 120 years ago. No moon stone or lucky gem or anything like that. I'm trying to be clever

plot twist: you fall and injure yourself / someone comes crashing through the ceiling

suddenly van gogh, (a regular sized van gogh, not the one from the clouds one story ago)

crashes down from the sky and lands on the man. They both come tumbling down into the hole

“where on earth am I? Van gogh says, holding a bandage to his ear

the man who was chasing me is unconscious

“who are you?” I ask”

“my name is vincent van gogh”

“what's with the bandage?”

“i seem to have misplaced my ear”

plot twist: you see people approaching / you feel goosebumps

I feel goosebumps. There are people approaching, starting to run faster. I hear them but can't see them.

“yeah! Yeah! They went this way!” they yell. I can hear them creeping faster and faster. They finally arrive at our hole and peer down

“those are the guys who stole our @@#%@%#@#”

me and van gogh know we're in a bad spot. We hug. We even hold the man's unconscious body to us for warmth and comfort. Things are going to get bad in a hurry

i'm doing 10 minute writing exercises using these plot twist cards. heres the first one

4-16

you are: lying in a field

plot twist: things become very confusing / you hear thunder

I'm lying in a field looking up the stars. For some reason I feel like I can hear pigs but there aren't any around. I think of my mom for a little while, and then think about a strange amalgam of all my ex girlfriends. I think about the stars and how I can cup each one in my hand. There's a farmer in the distance but he's not really there. A hurricane is off in the distance ready to strike. It's night time. I can hear thunder. The sky starts to swirl around like starry night.

Suddenly Van Gogh leaps out of the sky formed out of clouds and shapes in the night. I'm reminded of “Bleeding Gums Murphy” coming out of the sky to play saxophone with Lisa S.

“Hello,” he says. I try to ignore him. The world was really nice for a minute there, I felt really relaxed, could feel the calm against my skin.

I notice the bandage coming off of his head. “what's with his ear?” I think to myself.

“my ear fell off,” he replies. I wonder how he could read my mind.

plot twist: you've got it covered / a heart of gold

“i came to grant you three wishes”

“i'm not sure what I want”

“take care of your health. I wasted a wish on this bandage and not actually curing my ear”

“that's a waste of a wish van gogh”

“what do you think of my paintings?”

“i want to say youre overrated. But youre not, youre okay I suppose”

“what do you want to wish for?”

“inner peace”

“okay, here you go.”

I felt a warm sensation creep up on every part of me. It felt like I was being enveloped by a warm womb.

“you're a nice guy van gogh”

“i've been trying to make up for past mistakes”

“what else should I wish for?

“a heart of gold perhaps”

“seems like a waste of a wish”

“it's what I wished for”

“shouldve wished to cure your goddamn ear”

“i know. So what will it be?”

“i wish for your ear to be cured”

plot twist: you try to keep out of trouble/something outrageous

van gogh looks taken aback. “this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me”

his ear is cured. Suddenly I have the urge to use my last wish to cut off his other ear.

“you shouldn't wish for that,” van gogh says, a slight tremble, a quiver in his voice.

I try to keep out of trouble

“okay, I won't wish for that.

“well what's it going to be?”

van gogh is starting to seem really vain about his newfound ear. Stay out of trouble I keep telling myself. Stay out of trouble. Why am I even thinking this?

“i really want to make that ear wish now”

“you should wish for prosperity or fortune”

“i can't stop thinking about your ear”

“fortune would be nice. How about world peace to go with inner peace?”

“why cant I stop thinking about your ear”

“something outrageous maybe”

“how about a NUTrageous?”

“done”

van gogh with the heart of gold showered hundreds upon thousands upon millions of nutrageous bars down from the sky and I died the next few days after gorging myself on thousands of lbs of chocolate and peanuts