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set the scene
you are: driving a stolen car/dining at
a fancy restaurant
i'm driving a car that I stole from my
sister for some reason. Im not really sure why I did it except that
her car gets really good gas mileage and that I always liked how
under powered hybrids felt whenever ive driven them. I can step on
the gas all the way down and still i'm only going about 50 miles an
hour. I mean, that and she ate all the edamame when we went to get
sushi last week. I kept ordering edamame and she kept eating all of
it before I could get any. I was really mad. So I decided to steal
her car.
plot twist : disgusting ! You come to a
fork in the road
I get to a fork in the road. An octopus
falls from the sky.
“fuck! Again?”
this is third time this has happened to
me. People all over the country have been reporting octopuses falling
out of the sky ever since they found a vaccine for coronavirus. It
just seems like god is messing with us these days. Actually, before
the octopuses it was cacti and locusts which probably was a lot
worse. Octopuses are really smart though, they don't just fall out of
the sky they start smarming over towards you with this really
freaking smug look on their faces and these sunglasses that they have
on for some reason and start slapping the hell out of your car or out
of your loved ones and then they slink away. Right now they have a
compound near xion its really messed up
“disgusting!” I yell.
The octopus in front of me seems to
hear me. It takes off its sunglasses and starts slithering over to
me.
Plot twist: you're sure you know him
but you can't place him. It's getting closer.
I start panicking a little bit. It
starts creeping closer and closer, looking more and more menacing.
For some reason I think it actually starts to look pretty cute with
its big bulbous head and everything. I remember my breathing
exercises from meditation. It's okay, “I'll be okay. I'm in control
of all things”
It jumps on top of my windshield and
starts blubbing up and down.
“fuck!”
“hey don't swear.” it sounds really
disappointed in me
“oh. Im sorry.”
“don't you remember me?”
“what?” I look into its eyes. Wait,
there's a familiar feeling here. I feel like I do know him.
“it's me”
“that's what everyone says when they
think I know them, but you're an octopus. I dont know any octopuses”
“its richard”
“WHAT”
plot twist: something smells terrific /
you look around
I look around to see if anyone can help
me really identify that it's my old friend richard.
“it's me. Why did you have to bone
prison me?”
“i'm sorry”
“no youre not.”
“i know.”
“and because I didn't get that ber
rune i'm a freaking octopus now”
“i gave you a tal”
“fuck you!”
richard starts flailing his arms all
over the place in a frenzy. Im not sure what to do. Suddenly
something starts to smell really good. I notice that the heat from
the engine is actually starting to cook him a little bit
“richard, you smell good”
“what?” he starts to notice his
underside getting cooked a little bit
“im going to eat you now”
richard looks resigned to his fate. He
knows what will happen if he struggles. I cast bone prison on him
anyway and wait for his delicious undersides to cook. I haven't had
octopus in a long time
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